Give it Up!

My life has been sooo crazy lately. I am anxiously awaiting word from Samford University Pharmacy School about an interview, I had a huge organic chemistry test today, the kids have been sick and out of school for the past week and a half, and I am now officially exhausted. Calgon take me away!

As I was driving home from school, I was thinking about my crazy life, and I have decided I need to take a step back and refocus. And I realized that right now is an awesome time to do it! March 9th is Ash Wednesday. For those of you who don't know what that is, it marks the first day of the Lenten season. For those of you who don't know what THAT means, check out this website:

http://www.upperroom.org/methodx/thelife/articles/lent101.asp

Lent is a time when we consciously turn our focus towards our relationship with God. Usually by abstaining from something we love and instead using that energy to focus on our faith. In the past, I have given up  many things for Lent, including soft drinks and meat. Other years I have added something like an extra bible study. Well, I feel like this year calls for something drastic. I have decided to do the Daniel Fast. The first time I heard about this was when I was studying the book of Daniel through Beth Moore. Her bible study students are encouraged to follow this diet during the weeks they go through her book. However, I was unable to participate fully because I was pregnant at the time (I was already on a modified version by my doctor, though!). I haven't decided if I am going to go all the way this time or not. I can already see tough times ahead considering I already feel like a short order cook for my family. But I really think this will not only help me with my faith, but with my overall health as well. Here is a link to the book. I'll keep you posted about my decision on how deep to go with it. Cheers!

Our Daily Bread

I am looking at our dining table as I write this, wondering where it all went wrong. As opposed to most modern families, we use our formal dining room. A lot. Only, we don't use it as a place to eat. Yes, we do have a eat in kitchen area, but we decided shortly before having our daughter that we needed that space for toys. Our kids' rooms are a little small (or our kids have too much stuff, take your pick), and we have one big family room for the overflow. I LOVE our formal dining room suite, and our kitchen furniture was kind of worn, so we decided to store the kitchen table and chairs. (I promise I am getting to the point!).

The only problem is that our formal dining room isn't really a room, it is just an offshoot of our family room, and actually, it's the first thing you encounter when you walk through our front door. Our hall table quickly filled to overflowing, so our dining room table is the catchall. It currently contains items like my computer, the tray from our daughter's high chair, a home made give thanks candle made out of beans, toddler crayons, mail/magazines, about 130 baby shower invitations (stuffed but not stamped), a phone book, a hanger, a large binder of sheet music, I could go on....

When we got married, I had such plans for keeping family meal sacred. I kept china and crystal on the table (because what's the point in having it if you aren't going to use it?). Realistically speaking, with Mike's pastoral schedule, we sat down to eat a home cooked dinner around four nights a week, but hey, it was quality time! Even the two years we spent in our apartment, where the table was two feet from the open galley kitchen entry, we had meals at our little four seater table. Moving into this place after that was like moving to a palace. So why has the peripheral aspects of our life supplanted the most important parts? Because I have let them! Slowly, sneakily, aided and abetted by a busy life, copious amounts of mail, and two very active kids, my dining room table- the hub of our household- has become a mountain of insignificance. As I was sitting in Sunday school today listening to the discussion on communion and the history and meaning of breaking bread together, I realized that today is the day that I TAKE BACK MY TABLE! And begin using it as God intended...as a way to strengthen one of the most important aspects of my life.

Now, I also realized today that realistically speaking, family dinners are rarely going to happen. We are all going separate directions at any given time. So what to do? Well, who says we can only sit down together for dinner? We are all usually here for breakfast! And even though Mike doesn't usually eat breakfast, he can sit with us, visit, and drink a mini coke :). For this I am willing to sacrifice getting up a little early so that I can have the kids dressed and ready for breakfast. Who knows, maybe we won't be so late for school either! I know this doesn't sound like a huge lifestyle change, but this may be a little think that can make a big difference. Try looking for some life changing little thing to tweak in your life!

Age Matters

Today, I feel old. Normally, my age doesn't bother me. But today I was sitting around with one of the girls in my chemistry class, talking about our mutual love of books. Somehow we got on the topic of high schools and she asked me when I graduated. I avoided the question. Eventually, I felt guilty about being rude and I told her I graduated in 1995. She said wow, I was born in 1991. YIKES!!! According to the teen mom pop culture right now, I could be her mom.

So I've been reflecting on age today. I always wanted to be older. I was born with what some people call an "old soul". Quiet, introspective, with wisdom beyond my years (at least for some things :). Added to that the fact that my husband is desperate to turn forty so he won't be considered a young whippersnapper preacher anymore (someone once told him a 'real' preacher was 50 with gray hair and a pot belly). I am blessed with a baby face that makes me look younger, so much so that when Mike and I got engaged when I was 24, his extended family asked if I was legal yet. Heh heh. Most of the people I have become friends with since we've been in ministry have been older than me by a couple of years. My friend Rica threw me a "welcome to adulthood" party when I turned thirty. It was great.

So why do I feel old today? I don't feel physically bad. I have stress levels, like everyone else, but as an adult I have learned how to handle stress and prioritize my schedule (kids tend to force this learning curve quickly). I know it will get a lot worse once my kids get older and asking about 'the good old days'. But you know, I'm kind of looking forward to it. I remember posing those same questions to my parents and grandparents. And you know what, it wasn't pity I felt for them. I was fascinated. When people in older generations reflect on how different their childhood was, sure there are some things that have improved over time, but with lack of technology came a slower pace, more time to invest in relationships, a greater reliance on someone other than ourselves. And its only going to get worse from here. Today is our "good old days". So let's appreciate them for what they are and make the best of them. Spend time with family and friends, and God. Age gracefully, and have nothing to regret at the winter of our lives.

Give It Back

What is a "humanitarian?" According to Wikipedia, "In its most general form, humanitarianism is an ethic of kindness, benevolence and sympathy extended universally and impartially to all human beings." The first time someone called me this, it was not really meant kindly, and honestly, I was very surprised. My image of what that meant at the time was either someone who had a lot of money and spent their whole life devoted to donating to various charities, or someone who sacrificed their lives to the cause of, for instance, cruelty to animals.   


However, if you go by the Wiki definition, aren't we all like this? I'm sure there are some very selfish people out there who don't give back, but I don' t know anyone like that. Even people you may not automatically think about may surprise you if you got to know them better. Sometimes I feel like I stretch myself too thin, but when I think of all the needs out there, I can't help myself. I am a very empathetic person. I try to hide it. The major personal conflict in my life is my inner war between my empathy and my self preservation. If you don't know the difference between empathy and sympathy, look it up and let that be your tidbit of knowledge for the day. Anyway, back to the topic at hand...


I am always looking for ways to give back. I am not a grand gesture kind of person. Some people, like our inspirational friends Ben and Cassidy Nelson, give so much and with such enthusiasm, that it is a joy to behold. Being the more private person myself, I look for passive ways. Such as being an organ donor. Such a little thing, just a check mark on your driver's license. Or donating blood. Even if you hardly ever donate, you will be on file if they need you. Which brings me to my most recent action. My childhood best friend has a son, Clay, who has been diagnosed with aplastic anemia. This will require a bone marrow transplant, of which his sister is not a match. I know the chances that I will be a match are slim to none, but I will never know if I don't get registered. There aren't even any needles required to be tested, just a swab of your cheek. And even if I'm not a match for Clay, I pray that I'll be a match for someone. How humbled and honored I would be if I could do that for someone. I encourage everyone to find some little way to give back or pay it forward. In time, we will all need to rely on others. That inevitability is why we were created to live in community with one another. Take five minutes and go to www.marrow.org and register to have a swab kit sent to your house. It doesn't cost anything, and could mean the world to someone else.


Blessings

Everyone's A Critic

How do you take criticism?

Personally, that is one of the most recent things I've been working on. I've said before that forgiveness comes rather easy to me. However, there is a caveat to that remark. It's not so easy for me when it comes in the form of criticism. I can take the rudeness, being ignored or passed over. But for some reason criticism just jabs at me like a little ice pick, something you may not feel at first, but the wound lingers on for some time. Even if the criticism is well meant, I have to really work with it.

In the past I would freeze up entirely, and the scale of my subsequent reaction would be in direct proportion to whether the criticism was well meant or not, AND who was giving it (the closer the person, the worse it felt). Now I am trying to reconcile my feelings. But even if I am expecting it in some form, it is still hard to take. Maybe it goes with that sense of inadequacy we all feel. In addition to that, I feel like I am pretty self confident. I am happy with who I am. And criticism, even constructive criticism, asks me to change. I am currently struggling with the most benign of constructive criticisms. It is not saying that what I am doing is wrong, more like that what I am doing needs a parallel shift. I feel that I am a very accommodating person, and I like to go with the flow. But isn't there a point where compromising and going with the flow hits a wall? Maybe I'm making too much of it. I will attempt to apply this criticism and change this part of myself. It wouldn't hurt anything or anyone. But if I can't make this change happen, I'm not going to really be torn up about it. I will know that I made an honest effort, and accept the fact that this may be some fundamental part of me. Some aspect of my character or talent that God has placed on me and isn't meant to change. And even in this I will have to be careful that I don't use this as an excuse not to try hard to change. I thought I was pretty much done with this self discovery thing, but it looks like I may have a lot more to learn!

Words of Life and Death

As you are now aware, I love to read and write. I'm not saying my handwriting is fabulous, or that I love all aspects of the written language (sentence structure and punctuation do not inspire me to write poetry). But in general, I love words.

Have you heard the expression "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all"? If not, your mother is obviously not from the South. I heard that constantly while I was growing up. I was very shy growing up, so I had no problem whatsoever keeping my mouth shut. It has paid off in huge dividends as an adult, and as a preacher's wife. This little piece of advice from my mom, and little nuggets from my dad such as "A man is only as good as his word" have followed me wherever life has taken me.

It is fascinating to me how we are inundated with words every day. Especially with the coming of the information age. But there has been a noted downturn in manners and the honesty of our words. Lies are a slippery slope that begins as a white lie or a half truth. I'm not saying these aren't necessary from time to time, but have you noticed how every time you fib a little, it gets easier? That is a very dangerous thing to take lightly, my friend! I had a friend in college who commuted from another state (about a 45 minute drive). We would invite him to go somewhere with us, and he would ALWAYS say yes. And then, 80% of the time, he wouldn't show up. At first, we just thought things kept coming up. But after one of these no show incidents, I found out that the family event that prevented him from showing up wasn't some last minute thing. He had known about it for weeks and had said he would go out with us just because it was easier for him to apologize than explain why he couldn't come. Needless to say, we stopped inviting him, and he had to start inviting himself.

I have another friend who has no filter on her mouth. Anything she thinks comes straight out of her mouth, good or bad. She laughs and tells everyone not to pay attention to half of what she says. But how do we know which half to ignore? Should we listen to her one day and ignore her the next? I 'm sure what she meant was not to pay attention to the bad stuff. **But that's the thing about words.

ONCE A WORD PASSES YOUR LIPS, NO APOLOGY IS GOING TO GET IT BACK.

Oh, friends, that little playground saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but lies will never hurt me" can be so far from the truth to some people. There is a common theme in the world of self help right now about speaking words of life and death. If this is a new concept for you, then pay close attention:

The distinction between words of life and death is very simple. Words of life affirm, and words of death destroy. Whatever comes out of your mouth, you can't get back. It takes root in the heart of the hearer, and is so hard to weed out. Even if the only person to hear the words is you yourself! Some people say that if they are struggling, then venting their frustrations verbally tends to help relieve stress. But we should be so careful about even that. Those words of death can turn right back around and lodge in our own hearts. Focusing on the negative perpetuates the cycle of negativity, and the only one who can save you is yourself. You must be determined to change your outlook. It is a day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute struggle, but I know you can do it! And the first step is to speak words of life. If you are like me and feel a little wacko by looking in the mirror and talking to yourself, start by speaking words of life over someone else. Instead of snapping at your spouse or kids, try finding something to compliment them on. And heck, speak the ultimate words of life and tell them you love them. AND MEAN IT!

I promise you, friend, it doesn't matter how bad your life gets, if you are speaking words of life instead of death, good things will happen to that little seed in your heart.