Is it possible to forgive and forget? Yes and no. For me, at least, it all depends on the situation.
I am very good at forgiveness and trust. Call them gifts, call them curses, I have called them both at one point or another. For example, as in most marriages, there is strife and disagreement. When my husband and I have words and create a resolution, I promptly forget about it. *OR* I ask myself if something he does that upsets me is worth fighting about...and usually the answer is no. Unfortunately, the next time the same situation happens, I remember that something like that came up six months ago, but since I let it go, I can't bring up the exact infraction to use to my benefit. ARGH! :)
Other times, though, I have a different situation on my hands. There are some instances where I have to repeatedly forgive someone who has hurt me or someone I love, daily, for months, if not years. And sometimes I don't WANT to forget. That old mantra, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me again, shame on me" blares in my head like a siren. Forgiveness is not an excuse for apathy. We should definitely learn from our mistakes.
There are a few people in my life who are very dear to me and who can't stand each other. And because I love them all, I get stuck in the middle. Trying to mediate, trying to explain why these people behave this way and what that person who said things that were construed as insulting probably meant it another way. I find it hard to convince people who don't care why they SHOULD care. And I don't want to pull the "do it for me" card, because what does that really fix? They love complaining about everyone else, but make no efforts to make things better. They say that the other parties don't want to reconcile, but why would they when they don't even know they've given offense? Human nature is a twisted and complex thing, and people unwilling to make the effort to understand leave me feeling like Jeremiah, ripping his clothes and throwing ash on his head, weeping and praying for a group of people who could care less.
So what is the solution? *I* forgive *them*. Daily. And I ask forgiveness for myself for all the hard feelings and resentments I have towards them. And I pray for them, because in the end, that is all one person can do for another who doesn't think anything is wrong with them, it's everyone else.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Mental Break, Take One
My posts have been rather serious lately, so this one is going to try and lighten things up. In my Wednesday night Bible Study recently, we were talking about words of wisdom we learned from our parents/family. Well, this will be the abridged version, but here are some little sayings that my friends on Facebook contributed. Let me know if you need clarification (this is for all you Yanks...).
Feel free to share your own favorites!
1. "One person's normal is another person's weird."
2. "One person's trash is another person's treasure.
2. "One person's trash is another person's treasure.
3. A nod is as good as a wink to a blind bat.
4. Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
5. "I will see you later" says the blind man to his deaf wife.
6. No such thing as a little bit pregnant.
7. If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its butt.
8. If Ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd wll have a merry Christmas!
9. The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10. You can't throw mud on someone else without getting your own hand dirty.
11. This one is for my dad:
The only two things you need in life are WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.
If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.
The only two things you need in life are WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40.
If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.
12. Does absence makes the heart grow fonder or out of sight out of mind?
13. Marry in haste, repent in leisure
14. Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil
15. That's how the cow ate the cabbage
16. You can catch more files with honey than with vinegar
17. Watch out when you're getting all you want. Fattened hogs ain't in luck.
18. If you have to eat dirt, eat clean dirt.
19. The rooster makes more racket than the hen that laid the egg.
20. Don't spoil Saturday night by counting the time to Monday morning
21. Never trust a man too far who stays mad through Christmas week.
22. Success is relative—the greater the success, the more relatives.
23. If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
24. People like criticism—just keep it positive and flattering.
25. It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
26. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Feel free to share your own favorites!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Addiction
Hello, my name is Sharon, and I am a Facebookaholic.
Okay, so I'm not as bad as a lot of people. I do, however, spend many hours a week (and sometimes a day!) on Facebook. Sometimes I use it for good, like staying connected with people. Sometimes I use it for ill, like procrastinating on doing my organic chemistry homework...to the point where it is midnight and I am exhausted and end up not doing it...then regretting it the next morning when I barely understand what my professor is talking about. Then I end up boycotting Facebook by the end of the semester and cramming all my homework into an all nighter...well, you get the picture.
What is it about computers, or music, or books (another serious addiction!), that make us forget our obligations and responsibilities? I consider myself a good person. I'm not addicted to the usual substances that get abused. I don't swear (much). Is addiction the same as obsession? I don't think so. I would say I'm addicted to facebook, but when I'm not on it, I don't think about it all the time (i.e. "omg I HAVE to find a computer so I can harvest my wheat on Farmville!"). But when I AM on the computer, I find myself snapping at my kids and ignoring my husband. And procrastinating on my homework.
So what is the solution? I don't know. It is a nice outlet, but at what point does it become unhealthy? I guess it's different for everyone. For me, I'm on the verge. So for all my Farmville and Frontierville friends, take no offense when I don't respond to your impassioned pleas for dog food and wood shavings for your barber shop. I'm just back to what I'm supposed to be doing with my time. SN2 reactions here I come!
Okay, so I'm not as bad as a lot of people. I do, however, spend many hours a week (and sometimes a day!) on Facebook. Sometimes I use it for good, like staying connected with people. Sometimes I use it for ill, like procrastinating on doing my organic chemistry homework...to the point where it is midnight and I am exhausted and end up not doing it...then regretting it the next morning when I barely understand what my professor is talking about. Then I end up boycotting Facebook by the end of the semester and cramming all my homework into an all nighter...well, you get the picture.
What is it about computers, or music, or books (another serious addiction!), that make us forget our obligations and responsibilities? I consider myself a good person. I'm not addicted to the usual substances that get abused. I don't swear (much). Is addiction the same as obsession? I don't think so. I would say I'm addicted to facebook, but when I'm not on it, I don't think about it all the time (i.e. "omg I HAVE to find a computer so I can harvest my wheat on Farmville!"). But when I AM on the computer, I find myself snapping at my kids and ignoring my husband. And procrastinating on my homework.
So what is the solution? I don't know. It is a nice outlet, but at what point does it become unhealthy? I guess it's different for everyone. For me, I'm on the verge. So for all my Farmville and Frontierville friends, take no offense when I don't respond to your impassioned pleas for dog food and wood shavings for your barber shop. I'm just back to what I'm supposed to be doing with my time. SN2 reactions here I come!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Teach Me Something...
So, this weeks "person of impact" on my life is actually a whole group of people, even though I am going to highlight just one or two. So if you are in this group, I salute you!
Math has never been my strong point. I'm not saying I'm terrible at it, more like I dislike it with a passion. It is a very necessary evil. It is something that most everyone struggles with at one time or another. And I have decided that the major contributing factor in whether a person feels like they are good at math or not is the person who taught them the subject. This encompasses many years of math teachers, and unfortunately, it only takes one bad teacher or experience to turn us into quivering, mind-blanking, stomach churning students (I speak from experience). Most young people lack the maturity to look beyond the present situation and comfort themselves with the knowledge that "this too shall pass." I had a bad experience with math beginning around the fourth or fifth grade. I don't really remember because I try to block that time period from my memory. Anyway, maybe it was the timed multiplication tables, maybe it was the fear of public speaking when we had to go down our rows standing up and reciting those tables (or maybe this is WHY I have a fear of public speaking). Whatever the reason, even through college I had to take medications to call my anxiety over all things math (including General Chemistry, which involves quite a bit of math).
I intentionally chose a major at Auburn that required the minimum amount of math. So when I made the decision to go back and finish course requirements to apply for Pharmacy school, I of course put off taking Calculus until the last possible moment. Unlike when I was eighteen and a back row student, as a mature adult I was determined to face my fears. I began by brushing up on my Pre-Cal at Jeff State. I had a wonderfully gentle and quirky professor (of whom, I am ashamed to say, I don't remember his name). I did rather well, but I chalked it up to having had the class before, albeit ten years ago. Then I enrolled in Calculus at Montevallo. In walks this guy who, in my opinion, is not much older than me. He begins this grand lecture about how strict he was about his class rules, and my stomach begins to churn again. But as he began to teach, it was so obvious how much he loved the subject. It was also apparent that he really wanted us to understand the material, not just memorize and regurgitate. He spent a lot of time making sure every student in the class 'got' what was going on by explaining things various ways. And his attitude was always cheerful. I'm not saying happy, that's different. His cheerfulness always stemmed from patience and love of the subject, and the first time since lower grade school that I made an A on a math test, I cried. This man makes me wish I were better at math. The true test of a great teacher.
Since then, I have had other teachers with this same zeal for teaching, such as my Organic Chemistry professor. These classes are not easy, and these teachers don't apologize for it. But they DO encourage and offer any assistance possible to help their students succeed. No, I am not a teacher, and yes, I can imagine how hard it is to keep students from falling through the cracks when you have 30 other students to worry about (per class!). But teaching SHOULD be hard. It shouldn't be a default career. Teachers shape the minds of every person in this country. That should scare the apathy out of anyone related to teaching. Trust me, I understand how hard it is to listen to the complaining parents and whiny students. Pastors and their families have to listen to that every day too. And isn't that how we treat God as well? But He not only listens, but cares, and forgives, and supports. And so should we. So to all you teachers out there who go the extra mile, keep up the good work! There ARE those of us who notice! And to Dr. Tyler and Dr. Tidwell, you have my undying gratitude.
Math has never been my strong point. I'm not saying I'm terrible at it, more like I dislike it with a passion. It is a very necessary evil. It is something that most everyone struggles with at one time or another. And I have decided that the major contributing factor in whether a person feels like they are good at math or not is the person who taught them the subject. This encompasses many years of math teachers, and unfortunately, it only takes one bad teacher or experience to turn us into quivering, mind-blanking, stomach churning students (I speak from experience). Most young people lack the maturity to look beyond the present situation and comfort themselves with the knowledge that "this too shall pass." I had a bad experience with math beginning around the fourth or fifth grade. I don't really remember because I try to block that time period from my memory. Anyway, maybe it was the timed multiplication tables, maybe it was the fear of public speaking when we had to go down our rows standing up and reciting those tables (or maybe this is WHY I have a fear of public speaking). Whatever the reason, even through college I had to take medications to call my anxiety over all things math (including General Chemistry, which involves quite a bit of math).
I intentionally chose a major at Auburn that required the minimum amount of math. So when I made the decision to go back and finish course requirements to apply for Pharmacy school, I of course put off taking Calculus until the last possible moment. Unlike when I was eighteen and a back row student, as a mature adult I was determined to face my fears. I began by brushing up on my Pre-Cal at Jeff State. I had a wonderfully gentle and quirky professor (of whom, I am ashamed to say, I don't remember his name). I did rather well, but I chalked it up to having had the class before, albeit ten years ago. Then I enrolled in Calculus at Montevallo. In walks this guy who, in my opinion, is not much older than me. He begins this grand lecture about how strict he was about his class rules, and my stomach begins to churn again. But as he began to teach, it was so obvious how much he loved the subject. It was also apparent that he really wanted us to understand the material, not just memorize and regurgitate. He spent a lot of time making sure every student in the class 'got' what was going on by explaining things various ways. And his attitude was always cheerful. I'm not saying happy, that's different. His cheerfulness always stemmed from patience and love of the subject, and the first time since lower grade school that I made an A on a math test, I cried. This man makes me wish I were better at math. The true test of a great teacher.
Since then, I have had other teachers with this same zeal for teaching, such as my Organic Chemistry professor. These classes are not easy, and these teachers don't apologize for it. But they DO encourage and offer any assistance possible to help their students succeed. No, I am not a teacher, and yes, I can imagine how hard it is to keep students from falling through the cracks when you have 30 other students to worry about (per class!). But teaching SHOULD be hard. It shouldn't be a default career. Teachers shape the minds of every person in this country. That should scare the apathy out of anyone related to teaching. Trust me, I understand how hard it is to listen to the complaining parents and whiny students. Pastors and their families have to listen to that every day too. And isn't that how we treat God as well? But He not only listens, but cares, and forgives, and supports. And so should we. So to all you teachers out there who go the extra mile, keep up the good work! There ARE those of us who notice! And to Dr. Tyler and Dr. Tidwell, you have my undying gratitude.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Free At Last
Every year on Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, I read his "I Have A Dream" speech. Even having grown up in Alabama, it's hard for me to imagine that such a short time ago, African Americans had such a mighty struggle against racial injustice. Yes, racism in all forms is still alive and well, not only in the South, but all over the world in various forms. America is a little more politically correct now, but in other parts of the world, they suffer just as much as our pre-civil rights minority brothers and sisters did.
Every time I read through this speech and get to one of the most famous passages, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!", it kind of makes me sad in a weird way. I don't like to be pessimistic, but I am also a realist. Dr. Martin Luther King describes what, in his opinion, it would mean for us to be really free. Sons of former slave owners and sons of slaves sitting together at the table of brotherhood; little black boys and girls joining hands with little white boys and girls as sisters and brothers. In a sense, Dr. King's dream is being realized. This does happen! Every day! And every day it happens more frequently as the generation of oppressors and oppressed fade into old age and a new generation, my generation, a generation who has no memories of this oppression and who were raised on the solid principles that all men (and women!) are created equal, take the reins.
But this ideal, this dream, will never be fully realized. Why? Because humans are imperfect. We make mistakes, and choose unwisely, and listen to people we shouldn't, and do things we regret. No race is immune to this one human failing. Do you know why Dr. King was a great man? It wasn't just because of his support of Civil Rights. Many men and women, both white and black, sacrificed their lives for this cause. Dr. King was a great man because he lived his life for the one true King. The King of our salvation. Any time he spoke, he spoke of our heavenly Savior, who saves all people. The dream Dr. King describes will never happen on Earth, but it is the high ideal of Heaven. I'll let you in on a secret. Dr. King wasn't perfect either. And neither are you, and neither am I. But he was willing to die for what was right in the eyes of God. Are you?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
A Little Slice of Heaven
I believe in heaven and hell. I also believe they can exist on Earth. I won't depress you with many reasons why I think this is so. But I'm always on the lookout for those times I refer to as "little slices of Heaven". They make the hard times worth living through. In my world, these are different from those "mountain top" experiences you always hear about. I've had a few of those too, but to me, the difference between the two is huge. To boil things down, a mountain top experience is like all of a sudden, all this joy and love comes bursting through your heart, so much that you don't know how you are going to contain it all. You are flying so high that you just want to shout your love of God to every living thing you see.
A little slice of Heaven is a gentle, still reminder. A peaceful feeling of thankfulness and being blessed. A small moment when all you think is "Thank you, God. This is what life really is all about." I've had these moments occasionally. Sometimes I forget about them, and sometimes they are imprinted in my mind like they happened yesterday.
Today, my kids were driving me crazy. They were whiny and needy and clingy (and any of you who know me know how I value what little personal space I can get!). They were fighting over who got to pick the book to read. Or so I thought. Apparently, the issue was that whoever I was reading for got to sit in my lap, and the other was insanely jealous. Finally I put all books away, put them both in my lap, and instantly the complaints stopped. For once, they didn't fight each other and complain that one was touching/pushing/hurting each other. They just sat there in my lap and laid their heads on my chest. I rocked them and sang to them, with my son snug under my arm and my baby girl sucking her thumb, and I thought, "this is what Heaven is like." And I got teary eyed because I know that this is a fleeting moment. Trust me, even though I complain, I DO cherish every moment I have with my kids. I know too many families who have lost little ones to take for granted what I have waiting to lavish me with love and tears at home.
Anyway, I said I wouldn't get into the whole depressing aspect of the subject, but you can kind of guess what my definition of the flip side would be. And even if you don't have kids, I know you've had these moments. The important thing is that, even if we don't remember that exact moment a month or a year from now, to remember that there was a moment, and there is a God who blesses us, even if we have to wade through pain and suffering to see the little slice of Heaven.
A little slice of Heaven is a gentle, still reminder. A peaceful feeling of thankfulness and being blessed. A small moment when all you think is "Thank you, God. This is what life really is all about." I've had these moments occasionally. Sometimes I forget about them, and sometimes they are imprinted in my mind like they happened yesterday.
Today, my kids were driving me crazy. They were whiny and needy and clingy (and any of you who know me know how I value what little personal space I can get!). They were fighting over who got to pick the book to read. Or so I thought. Apparently, the issue was that whoever I was reading for got to sit in my lap, and the other was insanely jealous. Finally I put all books away, put them both in my lap, and instantly the complaints stopped. For once, they didn't fight each other and complain that one was touching/pushing/hurting each other. They just sat there in my lap and laid their heads on my chest. I rocked them and sang to them, with my son snug under my arm and my baby girl sucking her thumb, and I thought, "this is what Heaven is like." And I got teary eyed because I know that this is a fleeting moment. Trust me, even though I complain, I DO cherish every moment I have with my kids. I know too many families who have lost little ones to take for granted what I have waiting to lavish me with love and tears at home.
Anyway, I said I wouldn't get into the whole depressing aspect of the subject, but you can kind of guess what my definition of the flip side would be. And even if you don't have kids, I know you've had these moments. The important thing is that, even if we don't remember that exact moment a month or a year from now, to remember that there was a moment, and there is a God who blesses us, even if we have to wade through pain and suffering to see the little slice of Heaven.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
And the Winner is...
Okay! The time has come to tell you about another special, "behind the scenes" person in my life. But first, a little background music please..
In case you didn't know, I have two precious kids. My son is four and my baby girl is one. In case you also didn't know, I am back in school. It actually occurred to me yesterday as I was having lunch with one of my classmates (who is a sophomore), that I am getting perilously close to physically having been able to birth one of these kids. But that is a whole different blog. Anyway, I didn't decide to go back to school until after my son was born, and even then I was only going to night classes. It was a whole new ball of wax once we moved to Helena. When I decided to make the switch to a four year university, we knew things would get tricky, but I would be a nervous wreck without the sweetest, most trustworthy, most loveable, and most dependable Ms. Julie Vise.
From the time my daughter was two weeks old, Julie has been loving her like she was her own (and of course, she loves my son too, but he is in preschool every week day :). She claims that she feels bad that I pay her at all, and I claim that no amount of money in the world would be enough for what she does for us. To have someone looking after your children, who has been in the trenches and has kids young enough that they remember every little quirk and stage, and who is so flexible that I can call her at seven in the morning panicking because I have chemistry lab and my husband has an unexpected hospital visitation, and she will be at my house ready to help get the kids ready and even take them to school. She is an absolute angel from God. And no, you can't have her, she's MINE!
I have several people I can depend on in an emergency, especially since we are currently so close to family. But I don't like to call them unless it really is an emergency, because I always feel guilty about disrupting people's plans at the last minute (and because I have a serious addiction to the phrase "I can do it myself"). Julie allows me to keep those people on reserve. She is also the facilitator of my sanity. I love my kids. And I love other people's kids. But I thank God every day that there are people out there who are called to interact with children on a daily basis (all you teachers and daycare workers out there!). I don't know how you do it, but I am so glad that you do. You will all have a special place in Heaven, right along side Ms. Julie Vise!
In case you didn't know, I have two precious kids. My son is four and my baby girl is one. In case you also didn't know, I am back in school. It actually occurred to me yesterday as I was having lunch with one of my classmates (who is a sophomore), that I am getting perilously close to physically having been able to birth one of these kids. But that is a whole different blog. Anyway, I didn't decide to go back to school until after my son was born, and even then I was only going to night classes. It was a whole new ball of wax once we moved to Helena. When I decided to make the switch to a four year university, we knew things would get tricky, but I would be a nervous wreck without the sweetest, most trustworthy, most loveable, and most dependable Ms. Julie Vise.
From the time my daughter was two weeks old, Julie has been loving her like she was her own (and of course, she loves my son too, but he is in preschool every week day :). She claims that she feels bad that I pay her at all, and I claim that no amount of money in the world would be enough for what she does for us. To have someone looking after your children, who has been in the trenches and has kids young enough that they remember every little quirk and stage, and who is so flexible that I can call her at seven in the morning panicking because I have chemistry lab and my husband has an unexpected hospital visitation, and she will be at my house ready to help get the kids ready and even take them to school. She is an absolute angel from God. And no, you can't have her, she's MINE!
I have several people I can depend on in an emergency, especially since we are currently so close to family. But I don't like to call them unless it really is an emergency, because I always feel guilty about disrupting people's plans at the last minute (and because I have a serious addiction to the phrase "I can do it myself"). Julie allows me to keep those people on reserve. She is also the facilitator of my sanity. I love my kids. And I love other people's kids. But I thank God every day that there are people out there who are called to interact with children on a daily basis (all you teachers and daycare workers out there!). I don't know how you do it, but I am so glad that you do. You will all have a special place in Heaven, right along side Ms. Julie Vise!
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